Sunday, December 4, 2016

The White Hot Light That Burns (without hurting)

I had a personal experience with Kundalini back in February of 2013. Having read about the experiences of others with Kundalini, nothing could have prepared me for my own experience. It occurred unexpectedly and was life changing in ways I am still only discovering. I was skeptical of the experience even though I had read about it. I am a skeptic, no more. The experience is real, the life changes that followed were truly in my best interest and I’m truly grateful to be able to finally recount it in this way. I’m sharing this experience here for others who may be curious.

A Beautiful Memory:
I was never certain that I believed in Kundalini experiences. I've read about them off and on for over 30 years since I took an interest in life before lives, rather than life after life. I guess the journey began for me some time ago with what was termed for me as a "spontaneous past-life memory." That event lead me on a quest for over 30 years. I didn't have a teacher, a guru or spiritual wise one to guide me in my search for answers to all the questions I had about some pretty amazing experiences I can recount over the whole of my life. At some point during my journey, I picked up meditation. I'm not sure why exactly. Maybe it was the promise of peace, calm and even greater self-understanding. Did it bring me that? Yes, I suppose it did. Some 14 years or so after experience an Near-Death-Experience during pregnancy, and following some pretty tiring and trying life experiences, I just started. I started meditating out of desperation to find calm, peace to reconcile disappointment, anxiety, heart-break and this weird sense of knowing that none of the experiences I've ever had were anything to be concerned about.

The Experience:
After about 5 years of nightly meditation of at least 30 minutes, something changed. I began my nightly routine as I usually did. I cleared all of the negative energy from my being merely breathing in each of the colors of light of the rainbow. It began with a deep beautiful purple light extending into the core of my being, followed by blue extending further out to my entire home, then a deep emerald green encompassing the entirety of my city, then a beautiful sunny yellow to encompass all of the united states, then a beautiful brilliant orange to encompass the Earth, a deep magenta/red expanding into our galaxy, I brought in a beautiful golden color when I imagined the entirety of the Galaxy and then beautiful opalescent white I as I extended the light into the void and beyond. I stayed there for the longest time, it seemed. When all thought of my own existence dropped away, I heard a faint pure tone. I could not tell you the key but it was beautiful. I felt then a vibration that seemed to start in the very Earth and move up into my body. I breathed gently and slowly to stave off the thinking part of my mind that prickled with a feeling of something supernatural about to occur. Just then, the vibration seemed to swirl in a clock-wise fashion physically about me. I stayed with the feeling and allowed myself to remain present. Another tone came faintly, at first, into the edges of my consciousness. Another pure tone, I also could not describe by note. It harmonized with the first tone but was higher in pitch. I stayed present with the sensation of swirling, not one tone now but two and then I felt a white hot burning in the very base of my spine. It did not hurt but the more I felt it, the more I felt the swirling, felt the tones vibrating and a hissing sound became apparent. I sat with the feeling not knowing what was happening, trying with all I had in me to keep my thinking mind partitioned. Then the third and final tone, even higher pitched than the other two began and it blended in beautiful harmony. The white hot burning sensation began to move up my spine. It moved slowly to the middle of my back but the higher it rose, the louder the hissing was.

I noticed I felt a sensation of pressure now along with the white-hot burning that did not hurt, the swirling, the hissing and the beautiful tones that I just wanted to become forever lost in. I willed myself gently now to just stay present for the experience and the feeling moved into the space behind my heart. The intensity of feeling, hearing, sensing grew and grew and then the white hot burning moved again to the back of my throat. I involuntarily sat up very straight and aligned my neck because I knew it was going there next. The white hot burning moved into my neck and it stayed there for the longest time. My throat felt warm and tingling and the other sensations continued. The white hot burning moved seemingly into the very center of my brain and I could feel it there and the moment I did, the colors burst into my inner vision like fire works. The most memorable ones where the beautiful purple and orange colors, burgundy and blue, blinding white and golden light. I could feel this light in a way my words will not do justice. It was alive both inside of me and outside of me. I stayed with the feeling enjoying it so much. I could feel the tears falling as I very emotionally began to feel pure joy. The white hot burning sensation began to move again and I thought of the crown of my head and I had an urgent thought to will the crown of my head to open to allow the energy to come all the way through me. The feeling of energy was so intense that this was something I really felt I had to do as if my very life depended upon it. In my mind, with all of these colors flashing, the heat of the white hot burning sensation filling me fully now as if it were 100+ degrees there in my room on a cool February night and finally I could collect the thoughts, OPEN, OPEN, OPEN.

I felt the energy rushing through me like a white hot raging river but it was gentle as much as it was forceful and the colors and feelings just continued to explode. I felt bliss. I felt love. I felt absolutely wonderful. As the last drops of that white hot energy sailed away through the top of my head, I was left in this dreamy, comfortable space of pure peace, calm and silence. I could physically feel the pressure of the energy all around me and I could not stop crying. When my normal and logical senses began to return, the thought occurred to me to just be very grounded. I held a small stone my youngest daughter had given me. A simple rock we found on the beach that had been perfectly tumbled smooth in the waves. I imagined feeling so very connected to the Earth. It helped with the very drunk and giddy feeling the energy left me with. I had to get outside and so made my way down stairs and stood barefoot on the cold concrete just staring up at the stars feeling so very connected. No longer able to fight my logical mind, I thought - is THIS what a Kundalini experience feels like?

The Aftermath:
The weeks that followed brought me frequently interrupted sleep as the energy would often surge at night while I was sleeping, waking me up with that feeling of overheated and swirling or pulsing. It would pass fairly quickly and I'd fall back to sleep, only to be awakened again in an hour with the same sensation. It passed in intensity and still comes at times even though 3 years have passed. The things that followed were interesting. In the physical world, there was recovery to do. Things I thought I wanted no longer worked. I gave up a challenging position I worked long and hard to get that no longer suited me. I changed my perspective on much. I met my life partner after that as well and well, I nearly had a nervous break down. It was not harsh and overly painful but clear...clear in that I felt the impetus of change upon me and new I had to follow my intuition. I had ignored it for far too long.

Conclusion (or New Beginning):
I became much more intuitively sensitive. Things got my attention more clearly than before. The experience of my NDE coupled with a Kundalini experience has left me feeling so strange at times. The things I once loved to do, to strive for and to agonize over just no longer served me. I had to let go of so much because the thought of carrying animosity or even trying to made me sick. I forgave a lot, became much more gratitude focused and all the energy seemed to calm within me. I could feel people differently than before. No matter what they said to me, I could feel the origin of the feeling behind their words at times. It was a bit strange and at times left me feeling both very connected and yet also a bit isolated and sometimes confused. My Kundalini experience occurred in 2013. Following that experience and a near nervous breakdown, I was medicated for a couple of years and that got me through the worst of it. I don't recommend that route though as it is a long and arduous journey out of it. Today, today things are so much better. I am peaceful and accepting and have given up my spiritual quest. I learned that I hold the answers I seek. If my NDE and the Kundalini experience brought me this, well, I'm just grateful. I have enough and I now finally realize, I am enough. For the first time ever, I am comfortable in my own skin even if the bulk of my world and responsibilities feel a bit limiting at time. At some level I realize that I have the life I always wanted, the perfect existence for me and I'm still just so very grateful.

In a way, I am still recovering and discovering exactly what that means. For the rest of my life I will be integrating the experiences of both my NDE and Kundalini experience and I welcome every breath and step with much gratitude.

© 2016 

Dr. J.L. Harter, Editor see bio section for more information.