What Was it That Was Leaving Me? An Unusual Out-of-Body Experience (OBE)

Abstract

This paper is a narration of a unique experience, that which is arduous to circumscribe as an out-of-body experience; ambiguously to-be called a fractional out-of-body experience or a partial autoscopy. It was an experience in the presence of observers who were naive of what the individual was experiencing. This experience has surely helped the individual plummet into imagining the existence of an form beyond the body; the existence of a soul; that which is conscious; that which can think like the mind; that which resides within the body and that which can detach from the body when death advances. There is a possibility of it being a neuro-psychological or neuro-parapsychological experience; an experience whose actuality is grim to prove or construct in third person, but certainly subsists for the experiencer; the experiencer being myself.

Key Words 

Out-of-body, Experience, Soul, Consciousness

The experience of being out-of-my body

It was a beautiful day; I was with a few friends sitting on the over-head water tank of my 6 storied building, approximately 90 feet high. This place was our regular hangout, as it always felt great to be up there, as the view till today is always amazing. I was 18, with an eagerness to enjoy and explore life; with an enthusiasm to do things that would defy life, but the least I knew that this day would change my perception of life forever. As we chatted, jokes filled us with joy and play, which somehow lead us into trivial games; games that one should never play. The over-head tank is laden with water-pipes and has a large water-pipe approximately 2 inches thick, that runs along the tank, where one could attempt to balance on it; an insane thing to do at such a height, but definitely gave a feeling of achievement if completed. It was not something new that I was doing, as I had been repeatedly doing it whenever I would go up there and therefore was confident about completing it without tripping over.

Excited and with my adrenaline all pumped up, I challenged my friends that I would complete the walk in one go and I decided to attempt the task, not knowing what I was about to experience. Over-confidence made my strides wider and faster, and with everyone cheering, it heightened my confidence and inadvertently my ego. While balancing on the water pipe, I missed a step and slipped, I lost my balance and at that point I felt my body fall off the water tank; I felt my body being pulled away from the tank and with nothing there to cling on to, I knew that it was the end; I was aware that my body would fall 90 feet to the ground and death was approaching. My confidence and ego was shattered as my legs left the ground and my hands precipitously moved around to grab whatever came my way, but all that I felt was nothingness. That moment resulted in an experience where in a flicker of a second a life review began; my past flashed in front of my eyes and I saw images as one would see it in a personal scrap book; my life story in frames flashing in front of my eyes.

As my life review began, I somehow felt being detached from my body and lost sensation of being within it; a feeling of weightlessness. I felt as if I was rising rather than going down. My life review stopped and I could see myself in a form emanating out of the body from the face till my chest and at that moment I felt someone grab me and pull me to the ground. It was my friend who did this as part of his reflex and therefore I owe my life to him. I was back again in my body when I hit the ground and passed out. All of a sudden my eyes opened and I saw all my friends staring at me, all perplexed. It felt as if I had just woken up after a long night sleep, to see my friends looking at me. The frightful feeling of falling didn’t seem to exist and at that moment I felt a feeling of joy and happiness; a feeling as if I had learned something.

As I woke up, my friends asked me what happened, but I did not know where to begin or rather I could not put it into words; I was confused. I asked them how long did I pass out, and they said that it was just a few minutes, but for me the whole episode seemed to have lasted for almost half an hour. The trip, the fall, the review, the experience of the departing form, all of it happened in just a few minutes, but for me it seemed like a long period. As I narrated this experience to my friends, they laughed and joshed about it. It was a personal experience, a beautiful experience where I defied death. If that was my soul, it was definitely nimbler than my body, and in case I would have fallen, that form would have taken off from my body. It was my experience and I felt no one and neither did I see anyone; all that came as a flash in front of me was my past in the form of images.

It seems that my nimbler form exists within my body and knew the limitations of my body as I felt it ripping out of my body, for it knew that my body would not survive the fall; a mutilated body is definitely no place to reside. The moment I was held and pulled back, it realized that my body is safe and it pulled itself back, putting me into a deep sleep. It is an experience that bought a significant change in me; a change that has made me fearless of death; changed my perception of death. I have been very reluctant to share this experience, but my endeavors to understand the existence of a non-local soul or consciousness or mind has made me more open towards sharing it. The vividity and richness of the experience still persists that only I as the experiencer could experience.

Conclusion

My out-of-body or fractional out-of-body experience fortified the feeling of the presence of a form that resides within me; call it my soul, consciousness or mind. Based on this first experience, it can be said, but not concluded that this form that resides within me is aware, it thinks and sustains. This event could be easily passed-off as a neuro-psychological or neuro-parapsychological event associated with the dysfunctioning of the brain, where the brain in mental shock could possibly result in such an event. But for me as the experiencer this event will always remain phenomenal until proven within the realms of scientific explanation. It is definitely a difficult experience to understand and explore from a scientific perspective, but surely a vivid experience that made me realize the beauty that lies within; for it remains as my experience and therefore is purely my opinion. 

Contzen Pereira, Ph.D. Independent Scholar, Mumbai, India. Email Address: contzen@rediffmail.com, contzen@gmail.com

 

Pure Consciousness

Photo:  Jaie Hart

Many a philosopher or those with a pioneering spirit from many other disciplines might argue about the concept of what precisely consciousness is.  From each of their individual perspectives and disciplines they may all be right, they might be partially right or they may be all wrong.  To define a bit:

The dictionary meaning of the word consciousness extends through several centuries and associated cognate meanings which have ranged from formal definitions to somewhat more skeptical definitions. One formal definition indicating the range of these cognate meanings is given in Webster’s Third New International Dictionary stating that consciousness is: “(1) a. awareness or perception of an inward psychological or spiritual fact: intuitively perceived knowledge of something in one’s inner self. B. inward awareness of an external object, state, or fact. C: concerned awareness: INTEREST, CONCERN – often used with an attributive noun. (2): the state or activity that is characterized by sensation, emotion, volition, or thought: mind in the broadest possible sense: something in nature that is distinguished from the physical. (3): the totality in psychology of sensations, perceptions, ideas, attitudes and feelings of which an individual or a group is aware at any given time or within a particular time span – compare STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS.”

Spend any time researching the topic of consciousness and pretty soon you’ll find yourself half mad with theories, hypotheses and words like qualia and awareness and many philosophical ideas of what consciousness truly means from so many different angles.  Hundreds of papers have been written on consciousness and still we are no closer to pure understanding but maybe pure is part of something we might need to branch off into and along with "pure" add consciousness and create a new term to explore.  

What is pure consciousness?  Well, I believe that it is that state where you experience not one single thing else but consciousness.  There are no thoughts, no sensations, no input no matter what the mind throws up, you let it slip away as rain down the side of a mountain.  Pure consciousness is like a mountain and something far beyond it as it has no limits or boundaries or definition at all.  From a state of pure consciousness, none of this matters, has bearing on or impacts pure consciousness in the slightest. 

Unless you have experienced this state it is a little hard to explain other than as I have.  The only way I know of to get to a state of pure consciousness is through the practice of meditation and it takes much discipline and practice to get to that state of pure consciousness.  To be honest, I first experienced it during an NDE (Near Death Experience - story for another time).  Knowing what it feels like, I took up meditation again out of curiosity and a desire to explore an experience and it took so many years to see it again, I don’t even want to tell you.  But you can learn to get to it.  The question I ask is, even if you get there and even if you find it and become "enlightened" at the finding of it...“And, so?”

Why would we expend so much effort to project ourselves into a physical existence if all we want to do when we get here is spend all of our time in meditation to make this world disappear?  Didn’t we want to be here in the physical for a reason?  So why not then see it through and learn why it has the parameters it does.  Aren’t you at least a little curious why or how you come to be here? There must be a reason and I think that it must be your reason alone. I don’t wish to know the meaning of life right now.  I’m focused instead on the concept simply stated as "I am."  I can’t tell you what it’s for but it relates to a focus on consciousness.  I can point you to a teacher if you are curious (just let me know).  What I teach is part of consciousness but focused more on the day to day stuff but this topic is never ending and all consuming if you let it be that.

I believe that we are consciousness.  We are part of the great unknown…The All of Everything...The Great Mind...the Source…God….Goddess – choose your term but focus as you do on the feeling when you contemplate consciousness and say I Am.  I Am is complete all by itself.  It needs nothing else but I resist it.  I resist it and yet I experience it every night in meditation…a vast nothingness of pure void, black, dark, beautiful, peaceful and wonderful.  It’s funny having experienced a concept and then rejecting it on another hand but only in a way and maybe it is just semantics and there is no resistance at all but instead an alternative angle of understanding present that will morph into some other understanding that might entertain my psyche for a bit.  It doesn’t matter, none of this matters. Being everywhere and nowhere and understanding what that means in terms of consciousness – now that is priceless.

This may make no sense from the outside looking in.  But if you cut off the outside entirely, breathe slowly and deeply, let your thoughts slide away like rain down the side of a mountain, you might understand what I mean.  In the stillness and quiet we taste a bit of who and what we are.  What does that matter?  I don’t know that it does other than to help you understand that you are more than flesh, bones, brain and a bundle of nerves.  You are that too but so much more.  Add emotion and you have the perfect storm of wonder that humanity is.  It’s truly beautiful.  You are truly beautiful.  Our consciousness from whatever angle for whatever purpose we design is amazing regardless of who is right, wrong or somewhere in between.

Source:

 http://dreamintime.blogspot.com/2015/12/pure-consciousness.html

  Dr. J.L. Harter, Editor see bio section for more information.

Consciousness, Breath and the Perceptions of Experience

It takes great restraint to contain oneself to the boundaries of just this present moment.  The mind rebels and fights to reach backwards and forwards in time.  It’s so funny how that works.  It takes some understanding of the mind to know that it prefers to be anywhere else but here in the present.  It also takes a great deal of awareness to understand when the mind is leaving the present and weaving its way back and forth into former and potentially alternative future realities.  We are just wired for safety and security seeking.  In a world as crazy as ours with humans at a full spectrum of development and also, lets be realistic, seeming lack of development who seem to plunge helplessly into the darker parts of existence, it is difficult not to worry or move ahead, compare to the experience and see where we are and if we can feel safe.

But what is feeling safe?  How do we know if that is real?  How do we know that not being safe is real?  One could argue that whatever is perceived is the only reality there is but is that sufficient enough an argument to make it true in terms of the totality of reality?  I don’t think we can say that with certainty and yet at the same time, I fully understand how it is that we just cannot ignore the perceptions of our experience.  It just seems so very real.  But then, I cannot help but ask, “Why are we wired like this?”  You see, I believe that we are perfectly designed to our tasks and that it is quite possible that we misunderstand just how big of a game we are participating in.  How do we know what is real, what is perception, what has been horribly skewed through the filters of our own psychology and what stands independent with 100 percent certainty?

The theories are abundant, vastly different and some so very similar.  I’ve read them, taken them in, tried them on to see how they feel and every time the only thing I can say with 100 percent certainty is “that may be possible.”  I’m not so naïve as to proclaim that the reality I see is real because I perceive it because I know that is not necessarily true.  And, I know that isn’t necessarily true because I understand the unreliability of perception.  One tiny example from among a million might be the application of something very cold to the skin that gives the perception of burning.  But burning in our common understanding requires heat.  There is no heat in icy cold. There is, however, sensation and there are certain hot and cold sensations that occur at such a degree that they seem similar but in reality they are not.  You can take two individuals and put them on a city street.  One person may thrive in the moment feeling the exciting energy of city life, the hustle and bustle of their present surrounds exclaiming they love the city and its splendor.  Another soul may take in the very same scene and proclaim it horrendously noisy, dirty, crowded and energy draining.  Who would be right?  If perception can be considered the truth then one must deal with the idea that one person’s perception over anothers is correct and the rest of us are faulty and wrong incapable of the right perception.  How many arguments would we put to rest of everyone understood that perception was unique to the perceiver and to argue over it with another who perceives is a ridiculous waste of energy?

There seems to be an interesting challenge when we try to label a thing with certainty.  Is a table a table?  What if someone experiences it as something else?  Is an experience invalidated by a different experience?  We can contemplate these inquiries and come up with all sorts of answers that we might term plausible or implausible but I don’t think we can come to certainty for everyone equally.  So, to me that means our experience, our perception and everything we take in is very unique to the make up of our person or being.  Maybe we are like a computer processor that merely takes in information and processes based only upon that data we are able or willing to recognize but not necessarily with the ability to fully contextualize reality.  So, how do we feel safe and secure in that?

If you can close your eyes and calm your thoughts by merely focusing upon the breath as it comes in and then out, over and over again, you begin to move into something not dependent upon labels to exist.  There is a void at the top and bottom of each breath.  That space is not dependent upon experience and everyone has this space whether long or short equally – that pause between breathing in and breathing out.  That is one thing that is definitively consistent across living humanity in that it exists independent of our thought about it or not.  That tiny little span between the in breath and the out breath or the out breath and the in breath is something spectacular.  In that tiny little moment, I think that we can free ourselves from the concerns or worry about any perception or experience we consider ourselves to have taken into our processing systems for the seeming span of our lives.  In that tiny little pause lies the totality of our existence not jaded by experience or tainted by sketchy perception.  It exists until we no longer are physically existing and then, seemingly, we move into the space of that pause.  From there, I cannot say what happens as I’m only there fleetingly with every breath.  In between my last breath when my heart stopped many years ago and the first breath when they brought me back, I was in a place I cannot define, or label or even fully describe other than it was eerily similar to that pause between breaths with eyes closed.  Words are meaningless to define what was more of a feeling.

It made me more curious about life and less afraid of death and I suppose in that, there was a bit of safety and security because it meant no matter what happened in my life, through my perceptions and my experience I judged only to determine safety and security.  I will wonder about that some more as these thoughts develop more into understanding.  I share them now only as more food for thought.  So, can we attain safety and security?  I think yes in fleeting moments and the rest of our lives will likely be wavering between other moments and challenges that compel us to continue seeking that safety and security.  I guess, that is the way we learn.  Fear and complacency or boredom creates in us the need for change to get to a place where fear, complacency or boredom no longer need to exist but these sensations or observations are so different for all.  So, we have this wealth of life on planet Earth with so very many different situations to create experiences to get us to move into a space of safety and security or even for some, the opposite.  I’ll stop before I dive into another tangent about psychology and drivers. 

Consider spending some time noticing those moments in between the breath.  What do you observe?  How do you feel about it?  What is different about it compared to your daily existence?  What you notice is something truly shared by all physical beings, how does that make you feel?  There are many things we can explore and the beauty of life is that we are given that.  I seek to bring understanding to life so that we can live better no matter what we perceive, so that we might understand each other better no matter what our experience.  So, we breathe. The safety and security will be left to what we allow ourselves to perceive.

Rev. J.L. Harter, Ph.D. (Editor/Contributor)  See Bio section for more information.

A Narrative First-Person/Third-Person Experience and Six Mugs of Beer

Abstract

This paper provides a first-person (me) and a third-person’s experience (colleague) of me while drinking six mugs of beer. It is an attempt to describe the experience commencing with the first sip and ending with the last sip of beer from a first-person (my) perspective and a third-person’s perspective. The third-person’s perspective here is purely based on the observation of my behaviour which has been narrated in third-person by my colleague. The observation of this study indicate that there is a substantial sever between my personal conscious first-person experience when compared to a third-person’s experience of me, that can lead to contradictory conjectures when contrasted.

Key Words

First-Person, Third-Person, Beer, Consciousness, Experience

It was a warm and sunny afternoon and to gratify ourselves we decided to go out for a drink. My colleague does not drink alcohol, but has always accompanied me when I do so; for he considers it as his recreational time. He loves sipping on juices or mocktails and is happy with the place if the music and the ambience are fine. It was 4 o’clock and it was hot and humid and therefore we ended up at a nearby pub. To our surprise when we reached the pub we got to know that it was happy hours. Happy hours are usually kept during odd hours of the day, and during this period a customer gets another drink absolutely free. After bearing the sweltering heat outside we were all eager to plunge into our drinks.

My First-person experience

I had already decided that I would drink beer today, while my colleague decided to sip on a mocktail. Since I had walked down in the afternoon heat, I was eager to see my first mug of beer. That golden sparkling drink and its ability to quench my thirst, was all that was running through my head and the thought itself was making me drool. As the bartender placed the mug of beer in front of me, my eyes twinkled and I sat up erect; I was eager to take my first sip and I could resist no more. In a flash, I picked up my mug, said a loud ‘cheers’ and sipped it. With the first sip I felt my body go numb; the experience of my vanishing thirst was out of this world. I felt a tingling sensation on my tongue; my taste buds were all soaked with beer and were waiting for my next sip. I felt my mind getting empty, all my thoughts seemed far away; I was relaxed. I threw a smile at my colleague and in the next sip, my mug was empty. Wow!! I felt the beer roll down all through my gullet and fill my stomach; it felt like the experience of gushing water during the first rain. The fragrance of the beer had filled the air; I felt as if I was sitting in a bathing tub filled with beer. Would water have had the same feeling, on a sunny day like this? I guess not, water would have only quenched my thirst, but the beer was doing something more. I was not high; I usually have a good hold on my capacity while drinking beer, especially when it is draught beer or stout beer, variable to the state of my mind.

The experience was blissful; I felt pleasant as we chatted about work and life. In no time I summoned for another mug of beer. The beer came but since I felt a bit full I decided to take a break; I waited until my colleague finished his first round of mocktails, even though he told me to go-ahead. The taste of the beer changed from the unusual bitter taste to a sweet taste by the third round; it surged with no restriction. I had now begun to feel light-headed as everything around me slowed down, in fact my colleague’s voice seemed farther away than usual; it was getting a bit hard to hear him with all that loud music around us. Strangely in the beginning the music was pleasant but slowly got louder; definitely there was some effect due to the beer, but I felt strange. My body had somehow cooled-off completely, the feeling was getting better and better; I had all the time in the world for I was aware about the next three rounds of beer waiting to be consumed. Was I in an altered state of mind? Didn’t seem like, as I was completely aware of my surrounding; I was definitely conscious and was aware of what I was speaking and doing; I was convinced I was not drunk but I decided to slow down. The music was really loud now but somehow it relaxed my nerves; the feeling was good and then all of a sudden I felt the urge to pee.

All that beer inside me, had made my bladder full, my liver was definitely going berserk with all that alcohol that it had to detoxify. That washroom visit was a relaxation; a wonderful experience; maybe not for many but for me it was ‘the’ experience. After all the beer had been washed out of my system, I was all ready to gulp down some more. My stomach felt light, but my body felt restless; in all this there was some kind of congeniality that prevailed. The experience of this niceness was unknowingly superlative; I am sure it may differ from person to person and during the different states of mind, but at this moment the experience for me was excellent. The next three rounds were completely different from the first three rounds wherein every sip of the beer was making me feel heavy and lethargic. I was not sloshed, I was fully aware of what was happening around me; the music seemed fine, but there was something else that I was doing which I did not realize until I paid attention to it. I was being disconcertingly observant; everything around me just seemed clear and bright; it seemed beyond my actual consciousness. I was extra vigilant; I kept looking around; listening attentively to the music that was playing louder than before; drinking my beer; simultaneously talking to my colleague; laughing, suggesting, analysing, etc. everything seemed to go on concurrently. It felt as if I was in some unknown place multi-tasking effortlessly; and there definitely was not scope of getting tired. Was it the beer? Was it my mind? Why was everything moving so rapidly? I knew that I was not drunk, because I stood up and walked to the washroom; I had to pee again.

The experience after the pee remained the same, there was no change; blissful. The beers were over and it was time to go home. As we discussed and paid the bill, my colleague kept giving me this stare as if I was an alien from another planet. I decided not to ask, as it seemed like I would end up in an indefinable situation. As we stood up and walked out of the pub, I experienced a sense of satisfaction and content; the feeling was good and my thirst was quenched; but I was not drunk. I bid my colleague a good bye and thanked him for his company; I walked back home pleased of the experience.

 A Third-person’s Experience of Me

As we sat at the bar table waiting for Contzen’s beer to come and of course my mocktail, I noticed that his behaviour was a bit different today, he was a bit side-tracked or unfocussed. Maybe it was the heat, as it was very hot and humid outside and we had walked all the way to the bar. The bartender placed the mug of beer in front of Contzen and the mocktail saying that we were lucky to have come during happy hours and therefore we were entitled to get an additional drink free. As soon as the bartender left, I noticed the expression on Contzen’s face change; he seemed all happy about the offer and suggested that we stay for a couple of drinks rather than just a few. At that very moment I was convinced that it was definitely the heat that had affected his behaviour and I was hoping it would change. It was not the first time I was with drinking with Contzen, we have had many good times together and he is always good company. As a person, I always believe in giving some breathing space to an individual and therefore I was not keen to know why was he behaving in that manner. Today he did seem in a state of despair, which was evident in his eagerness to drink; it was something that I had never experienced before. Maybe he was drinking beer after a long time and so the pining was visible in his expressions and behaviour.

As soon as the beer was served, Contzen grabbed his mug, shouted out a loud ‘cheers’ and took a really big sip. It felt as if he was distraughtly waiting to drink that beer. At that very moment a thought ran through my mind, why is he behaving so desperate for beer? Has he become an alcoholic? Is the beer important or is meeting up with me important? Nevertheless, I have known Contzen for quite some time now; maybe today is a bad day for him, so I will pull along. My mocktail was great and refreshing, so much so that I had forgotten about the heat outside and was in a relaxed state of mind. Contzen’s behaviour began to change once he had finished his first mug of beer. He kept smiling for no reason, laughed unnecessarily and started speaking a bit louder; but he didn’t seem drunk. I know him; he doesn’t get drunk so easily. Maybe all that was playing on his mind was the reason his mood was changing. I too have a lot of problems in life, but whenever I go out for a drink with a friend I keep them aside, so that it doesn’t come in my way and spoil the meet. Was Contzen’s behaviour annoying? It definitely was not, but for sure it was strange.

An opinion can differ from person to person and therefore behaviours can sometimes change based on one’s present thoughts; this maybe the reason I was noticing Contzen’s mood change as he kept drinking his beer. Contzen was on a drinking spree today, before even the mug of beer was over, he would ask for the next one. Then all of a sudden he stood up and asked me the direction to the washroom. He seemed a bit shaky as he walked towards the washroom but he was not drunk, I guess he was aware of what he was doing as it didn’t seem like he needed help. As he walked back he had this impish smile on his face, as if he had met someone and was about to share the conversation with me; but to my surprise he came back and sat down on his seat; but never spoke. He was already three mugs down and had the next three mugs to go; all thanks to happy hours. Post his return from the washroom, Contzen seemed a bit different, he kept smiling all the while but seemed serener and stiller. Did he puke? Was he high? Was he feeling sick? Should we stop and just go home? These were some of thoughts that ran through my head, but something kept telling me he was okay and there was no need for me to be worried.

The next round of beers came and Contzen confidently pick up his mug, clicked it to my glass and drank with no hesitation; I was relieved. But the thought kept coming to my mind that there was a change in his behaviour, so I decided to keep a watch over his drinking. His drinking pace had slowed down considerably after the fifth mug and now I was getting worried, but fortunately the look on his face was not alarming. When he was on his sixth round, I started to notice that he was getting a bit restless; he kept looking around as if he was searching for someone; he had kind of lost focus. What was going on in his mind? He stood up several times and sat down and when I asked him what was wrong, he just smiled. I was done with my mocktails and I definitely couldn’t drink anymore, so I just sat and watched him drink his last mug of beer.  He seemed drunk but in the next moment he was up and walking towards the washroom again. I observed him as he walked to the washroom; there were no signs of shaking or tottering; he was fine.

When he came back there was still that subtle smile on his face; it was definitely an experience to be observed for I did not know what was going on in his mind at that moment that made him smile like that. He stood there and asked me whether we should settle the bill and then move back home. We settled the bill and walked out of the pub; I kept observing his gait and his moves just to be sure that he was okay to walk back home. He looked at me smiled again and assured me that he was fine and not drunk and could walk back home.

Conclusion

A third-person’s perspective is usually based on behavioural observations which may or may not be the first-person’s experience, as observed in this study. A first-person’s experience is always unique to the individual experiencing it and therefore can be misinterpreted by an observer. The human mind is capable of analysing the mind of the other but to a limit of what is observed; what is perceived and the way it is interpreted by the knowledge acquiring processes. Drinking beer is an experience of its kind and therefore it was chosen to explain the experience from a first-person and third-person perspective.

Acknowledgement

I would like to thank my colleague who unfortunately has decided to stay anonymous in this paper, for providing me with the third-person experience and for being a great and wonderful drink buddy. 

Contzen Pereira, Independent Scholar, Mumbai, India

Corresponding Author. Address: Nandadeep, 302, Tarun Bharat Soc, Chakala, Andheri (East), Mumbai 400 099, India. Tel: +919819642456, +912266750530

Email Address: contzen@rediffmail.com, contzen@gmail.com

Experiences of a Stone: A Panpsychists First-Person Autobiographical Representation

Abstract

This story is about the life and journey of a stone; an autobiographical imaginary first-person representation. It may seem nonsensical to many, but alas it is my opinion of what a stone could experience; it is an imagination which is exclusively based on my assertiveness. The text aims to instill a sense of existence of a source of energy, which interrelates with the non-living, just like it does with the living; a driver for all experiences when in physical and non-physical. If it generates interest, it may change one’s perspective of what it is to think like a panpsychist.

Key Words

First Person, Stone, Experience, Panpsychism, Existence


I am lying here on a dusty roadside, weak and fragile. I crumble with the gentle blowing of the wind; I feel the energy within me departing; death looms over me. My guardian always said to me, “when you get old and tired, you will break-down and blend with the ground you lie upon; for we are all born of the dust and so, we shall return to dust, but the energy shall prevail”. Currently, this is my state waiting in anticipation of my end; for the energy within is trying its level best to stay within me. I have faith in it; I have believed and still believe in it; for it has shown me my world. My energy has made me experience my surrounding; for that is why I am aware, that is why I may exist; for I have always acknowledged it. I have felt this energy disseminate within me, flow within me with full energy and power, but now the time has come for it to be released; for my physical body cannot handle it any longer. I have had a marvelous life, for which I have no qualms, for I have now accomplished my journey, to experience the non-physical. The countdown to my death originated when I was born; then, the energy was intense and strong and I was all eager to experience life.

I was born of someone who resembled me, whom until today, I consider my guardian; for that someone was the first I experienced, when I opened my eyes. I came into existence as a piece from its body. For my guardian always stood in front of me, be it night or day; it always looked at me with an endless smile. My texture resembled it; shiny, glistening dark black form with wavy patterns all over my body. I experienced the wind that kept blowing all over me, but I would never move. There were some others who lived around me, they looked somewhat similar to me but would roll from one place to another, while I never moved. Eventually they were the only friends I had, but since they were very small, they would often get blown away with no sign of return; I would end up making new friends. Inquisitive as I was, I had a lot of questions for my guardian, but remarkably every question was answered. Together we enjoyed the sunlight during the day; we admired the various cloud formations in the sky. The nights were fun too, as we stared at the starry sky with stories that went all through the night. We laughed and smiled every single day; for every day and night was a new and wonderful experience.

Then one day, I felt a feeling like none other; there was something falling down from the sky or rather it felt as if the sky had come down. My guardian told me that it was raining and assured me that there was nothing to worry about; for it will pass off soon; I was relieved. Without the sunlight, I felt cold and gloomy; I was all wet; I felt my texture changing. Countless drops of water fell from the sky; the experience was eerie but eventually I began enjoying it; all the mud had washed off from my body. This was the first ever time I got wet; an enjoyable experience in the presence of my guardian; we laughed and enjoyed the moment together.

It poured for many days and nights and the flow of water kept getting stronger. Then one day, I felt a push and I moved for the first time. It was the water; it was using all its force to push me; I knew that I could not hold for long and so I kept calling out to my guardian. In no time the water had rolled me over, I tumbled and was pushed away; I cried as I could hear my guardian scream and shout which eventually faded away as the water rolled me over. That was the last time I saw my guardian; my pillar of strength had gone. The water pushed and moved me to an unknown place; I was all alone, upset and sad; I cried, but there was no one to hear my cry, tears rolled down my cheeks for many days; I missed my guardian and its presence. Days went by, I saw summers and winters; monsoons were rare, but no one came my way. I had now become used to staying alone; all alone; I missed my guardian; I missed my friends.

One fine day, when I woke up I saw a pair of dark circular moving structures observing me; I was scared. Never had I ever seen something like this before; it was big, much bigger than my guardian. It hurled me towards the sky and as I moved up, I could barely see the ground and then all of a sudden I moved rapidly downwards and landed on something soft; it was definitely not the ground. I felt a rub on one of my sides, the feeling was warm and comforting; a feeling of gentleness; a feeling that I should not be scared. Whatever it was, it felt soft and gentle and when it rubbed me on my sides, the warmth came back. I wished that the warmth would continue, but in no time I was up again, moving towards the sky and rapidly falling back, this happened several times and it got me really dizzy. The experience of rising up and falling down was splendid, and made me realize that without support I will never ever rise up from the ground and that I needed some sort of physical force to make me rise; apparently the energy made this possible. I needed an explanation to this situation and I missed my guardian who had an answer to all my questions. I felt connected to this form; its energy gave me warmth and in fact I felt our energies merge at one point; the experience was splendid.

The experience of rising up in the sky was wonderful; the world from above looked beautiful. Every time I was flung up, I could feel myself touching the sky; the air felt pleasant; the sun shone bright on my face. Everything appeared to look smaller as I would rise up but the fall made me shiver. At that moment, I felt like just being up there; I wished not to be on the ground; I longed to be up in the air. I had nothing to fear as there was warmth and joy; everything seemed wonderful. I was confident that I would not fall directly to the ground, for I had something that was managing the force and then suddenly everything changed. I hurtled towards the ground; the force seemed uncontrollable and I hit the ground hard; where was my protector; I yelled in pain. As I hit the ground, I bobbed up again and rolled off; I felt disoriented. The next moment, I could not breathe; I was suffocating and moving downward; there was water all around me. I had never ever experienced so much water; the water felt cold; it felt as if it was penetrating me; I thought I was dead. With a sudden jerk, I opened my eyes; there was water all around; the water had percolated deep inside me; I was being tossed from one side to another; but something calmed me down, the feeling became nice and comforting. When I looked around, I saw many like me staring at me.

The water cleansed me and I could now see my coat again; the dust had been washed off. My body patterns looked fresh and shined in the sunlight; I was all fresh and I felt more comfortable. I never knew that I could survive under water; it was an experience to cherish. As time passed, I got used to the tossing and pitching; the force exerted by the water. I had a lot of friends besides me and they kept asking me where was I from and all I did was smiled and said “I don’t know”. Some were big and some were small, but occasionally the smaller ones got washed away, I was used to it by now. As days passed, the water started making me feel feathery; it felt as if my coat was being replaced every single day. My texture kept getting smoother by the day; I got a feeling of being smart and elegant. Occasionally, there were these moving forms which seemed to use their bodies in a different manner. Most of the time they would come close to me, examine me and rub against me. Some would even try to hide under me and sometimes stare right into my face. Their presence was warm and gladdening, but would get me wondering, as to why can’t I move like them?

This is when the thought about my existence struck me. How is it that I exist? What is it that drives my experience? Since there were no immediate answers to them, I would get back to enjoying these experiences; I was happy the way I was. Occasionally there were forms that would like to pick me up and move me and sometimes sit right on top of me. They had structures attached to their bodies which made them look creepy. When I had nothing to do, the thoughts of my existence would come back and trouble me. I would look at the stars in the night sky and I would question their existence; were they truly there or is it an illusion? I was aware of an energy flowing within me and would get excited whenever it felt strong and depressed when it felt weak. I was somehow aware of its presence and its ability to guide me, for at times when I felt weak there was a sudden feeling of a luring sensation within me; it actually felt as if the energy was being drawn from the exterior to the interior. Time went by and the energy levels within me started to drop, I could easily be tossed by the slightest ripple in the water; I knew I was growing old.

Life seemed good but the feeling of weakness persisted; the water kept trickling into my body; it always felt unusual. I started feeling flimsy and the tossing and turning increased; there was something happening to me. My health was diminishing and I only longed for someone or something to get me out of this place, I felt death approaching; I was aware that I was slowly dying. I would close my eyes and looked up to the sky; I would remember how I was born, wondering where my guardian would be. One day, I was suddenly picked up by a sharp form which carried me out of the water, right up to the sky, I felt myself rise up and everything below me kept getting smaller; it seemed that death was near. The experience of being in the air was always amazing, but the weakness made me less joyful; the water within me drained out, but somehow the weakness prevailed. Whatever carried me out of that place suddenly dropped me, I felt the air whiz over my body and in no time I hit the ground so hard, that I developed a crack right across my head. I cried in pain, but there was no one to hear my cry; fortunately I survived.

Yet again I was all alone; no friends; no forms; nothing. The dust kept blowing with the wind and gathered on me; the feeling was that of being dry and lonely; but I was also weak. In the day the heat of sun would consume me, while the cold nights would freeze me. As days passed, my body grew weak; it was the experience of getting old, weary and tired. The crack in my head grew bigger by the day; it is an experience of being ripped slowly and gently; I was aware, I was slowly crumbling. I am old now; I feel it within, for my body breaks off in crumbles to mix with the dust; my body splits into smaller bits that amalgamate with the ground. My energy is now trying to accommodate itself within this shrinking body and occasionally releases itself; this is my experience of dying, just as my guardian had predicted. The energy tries to fill me again, but in vain, for my body cannot accept more. My life would someday come to an end and that day would be when I would merge with the ground forever; my energy would then be released. The experience of being me was wonderful and it gave me the opportunity to see what exists around and to experience it but why I exist is still not answered.

I was born out of a form much bigger than me. It taught me how to be a part of existence; it taught me to see life till its fullest; how I miss those days spent with my guardian; for yet I know not why I came into this world. Years have gone by while trying to figure out the answer to this question, but now is the time to be a part of the ground. I was happy to be born and so I am happy to die. My experience shall prevail within the energy that drove my very existence; the energy that grew old with me, and that which has never left my side, since I first opened my eyes. I am aware that I shall exist beyond my body and the day I close my eyes, I shall be more than what I am, until then adios.

Dr. Contzen Pereira

Independent Scholar, Mumbai, India

 *Corresponding Author. Address: Nandadeep, 302, Tarun Bharat Soc, Chakala, Andheri (East), Mumbai 400 099, India. Tel: +919819642456, +912266750530
 

Email Address: contzen@rediffmail.com, contzen@gmail.com

Belief As the Driver to Experience and Imagine the Cosmic Energy But With Limitations

 

Abstract

Believing is what makes the believer believe what the believer wants to believe and this belief lures the energy to flow from the external to the internal; from the invisible to the visible; what we considered as a phenomenon or fulfillment of dreams in our lifetime. Cosmic energy naively progresses to create and recreate; to form and reform; to rise and give rise to and to fill and fulfill the desires of a being. Belief drives the experience of the experiencer; for it fills the being to its completeness and renders the achiever to achieve and believe in oneself. The belief of a believer is therefore unique and special to the believer and can never be or should never be taken away; for if so, may lead to loss of the being’s ability to perceive the ever prevalent energy; for there is no alternative to belief and believing for the higher being. On the other hand, if belief is coerced or foisted, it may lead to an excruciating irremediable change in the energy with a forfeiture of the soul, mind and consciousness.  

Key Words

Belief, Believe, Cosmic, Energy, Experience, Imagination

Belief propels the soul, mind and consciousness

Belief makes the being a believer, but what the being believes is what the being has been edified with and therefore it is the belief that drives consciousness and the ability to experience. This is wholly applicable to higher beings and not to the lower beings; for the lower beings lack the ability to analyze with their imagination and innocuously blend within the cosmic energy, to experience it, rather than squandering to analyze it. When you believe in something, you relate to something; it is this something or nothing that drives you to believe; in full awareness of oneself.  When you believe you are connected; you get connected and faith builds in the being, for consciousness builds the faith in full awareness. In the absence of belief, the believer loses the ability to think and pursue, for everything at that moment seems redundant; that which cannot be achieved or completed and so is not gratifying to be believed, as there is no sense of achievement. So what makes everyone believe? Belief soothes the soul, calms the mind and builds awareness inadvertently; understood as an achievement; rather a goal by the higher being; a sense of satisfaction.

When a higher being believes, the being connects unknowingly to the cosmic energy; an energy that is prevalent in the universe, which resides within the body to make up the soul, the mind and one’s consciousness; that which resides in the vastness of the cosmos. Belief makes the believer believe, that what cannot be proven is true and with a strong belief, the cosmic energy supports and guides the believer through the entirety of one’s life. To believe what one believes is what has been thought from the very beginning and that which is imbibed within oneself through teaching e.g., Religious scriptures. The dependence on this belief rises as we grow physically and intellectually. Any kind of belief is a belief and there can be no limitations to believing, for the energy is of no limit and with belief makes it grow and think. The higher beings therefore needed to believe in the existence of a form. A form created to bring in fear; to control the human kind; for the human kind was somehow aware of its ability to go beyond its limitations. This gave rise to the form that we call God; which is the cosmic energy that was good but the day there were forms of God, God was lost and the ability to believe was crushed.  Energy was utilized to grow these separated forms rather than uniting them and God or cosmic energy was taken for granted.

The cosmic energy is indestructible, but intelligent and conscious to blend and transform to one’s desires and goals, but emancipates itself when anticipated to perform against its will. For there is no good or bad, all is good, for the energy is good and its goodness is what drives the cosmos. Believing in what one believes gratifies the cosmic energy too flow within the structures that design the being. A prayer can fulfill a wish and a wish granted is acclaimed as the power of God, for God the form created by beings is a self-motivating form which unknowingly activates the self and the energy flow. Therefore God for us cannot be ignored, for it is through this medium that we actually interact with the cosmic energy; it is through this medium that we energize our soul; it is through this medium that we are conscious and aware and prevent our ignorance to the actuality of the cosmic energy. Taking this medium away would leave all of the egoistic forms helpless, for there would be no form to look up to. So long these forms remain; energy shall be utilized in the right manner and for the right cause. Belief in a form or forms of energy as God controls the soul, mind and consciousness of a being; brings in a sense of stability.

We are conscious because we believe in the creation; we are conscious because our soul is a part of the creation that lives within and connects us to the creation; for it is creation that created all that is around us. Believing in oneself is equivalent to believing in the creator for the creation lies within us and therefore when we believe we can make this energy perform beyond the imagination of ourselves, we observe as miracles or achievements in our life. A being is born and comes into this life with no understanding or specificity of a belief, for the being is more concerned with its survival and through intuition builds its awareness of the creation. Lower beings demonstrate this ability to understand and perceive the energy that resides in the cosmos; to utilize it to grow and live; to release it upon death. But the higher beings ignore it, to give importance to the egoistic achievements in life. As the being grows, the energy takes shape and forms the mind, soul and consciousness to realize and applaud the creation; to take and receive what the energy has in store for the being; to build and grow the structures and the body within; to emerge intelligence; for the human kind seeks beyond intuition that leads to learning and memory.

Seeking leads to analyzing and understanding the creation; energy is utilized to understand the energy that makes the being seek beyond imagination and believe, therefore the why of creation gets replaced with the how of creation. For if all this was created then there should be a creator and so there should be a God and that is when the ever-prevalent energy loses its importance and so does God. For a human, God is human, a much bigger human; a human that possess powers beyond the limits of a human; energy for the higher being is not God, for now God is taken form and the form is human. Belief in God now unknowingly drives the energy that grows stronger and better and builds the soul, the mind and propagates consciousness. God takes the first place and belief in this form drives energy within and beyond. When you believe, you connect to the cosmic energy; for this energy fills you and therefore guides you. Belief for a human is an uncontrolled and involuntary connection with the cosmos which is portrayed in the form of religion and religious activities and therefore should not be taken away from the being, as unlike other beings, humans cannot perceive the cosmic energy and therefore need a medium to do so.

Belief and believing without limitations can suppress the experience

Believing in a medium can drive consciousness, the soul and the mind, for inadvertently the being interacts and utilizes the immeasurable and incalculable energy that prevails within the cosmos; the cosmic energy that encompasses the whole of creation and all that was and is being created. The medium gets defined and created by believers who believe that, all that is around them is because of the one whom they believe in rather than the energy that resides within and around them. For so long the belief drives the energy, it remains harmless but the day this energy is utilized to entail belief the energy will transform, but cautions before leaving. So who brings in a differentiation of beliefs? Higher beings bring in a comparison in order to differentiate between beliefs; for when a goal is achieved the belief is good and when not, the belief is bad. The energy gets labeled as good or evil; God gets labeled as good or evil and the belief is believed to be good or bad. When a comparison arises among beliefs, the actual essence of the belief is lost and the energy becomes unstable. Belief is important but cannot be forced and this is what religions do and that needs to be changed; for all of mankind suffers the burden of this act.

Religions were created to bring a sense of belief; to realize the force that drives life; to experience life and creation. It may have brought in this feeling, but it also brought in fear; fear of someone more powerful than the being; fear of God. The fear of God forces one to believe; the fear of God grows with the growth of intelligence but inadvertently it reduces the experience of the experiencer; for the energy is too simple to be God. As intelligence and ego grew, the outfall of intelligence grew, the egoistic being thought “Is life so simple? Are we here just to experience the creation?” and the existence of life has thence been taken for granted. The reason we don’t seek the experience of the creation is because we always want to experience much more than life; we imagine beyond the limits of imagination where the very essence of imagination is lost and so is the experience. Belief drives us to believing more than we should believe; to utilize energy for our selfish needs rather than that of experience. Higher beings converted the form God to many gods and with many gods came the comparison between gods and then the superiority of gods; today we fight trying to defend which God is superior to the other. The belief of humans has gone beyond that of God, for God is a mere form that is utilized to induce fear; with the being now more powerful than that of God, the being is feared.

Energy by higher beings is utilized to generate fear, hatred, and anger among beings, which somehow is becoming a belief, where the believer believes in it more than God or energy. The goodness of God now needs a medium to be understood for more than the goodness of God we seek what more the God can do; we extrapolate God not realizing the limitations of God the true energy; not realizing that just like energy can create, energy can destroy for it is a mere transformation that it needs to undergo to make this change. Why should I believe in what I would not like to believe? For it is my mind, my soul and my awareness of the creation and therefore my belief is what I believe and is beyond the imagination of the other. So if that is the case, why is superiority of belief a cause for the downfall of mankind? Unrealized, we take the cosmic energy for granted, for this energy created us, therefore is the creator of our creation; we may call this energy by names and give it forms, but this is what made us. With religion we create forms; forms with many types and we compare these forms which belong to the same one form; for when there are forms, there is comparison and when there is comparison, there arises supremacy and ego. The superior and the inferior make the energy unstable for then; the charm of its very own existence gets questioned.

Conclusion

Energy resides in the vastness of the universe and it is this energy that transforms itself from one form to another keeping the created and to be created functioning. We come into this world through a source of energy, in order to experience the beauty of the energy and its creation that resides all around us. As we grow we forget the need of our existence and belief drives the very existence of ourselves. Belief is therefore the driver for the growth of our mind, soul and consciousness, for it is the very own cosmic energy that fabricates us. This is common within beings, until beings grow to be higher beings, with the ability to analyze themselves and also their beliefs, differentiated based on superiority of their forms and beliefs; gods and goddesses. Despite of the presence of the several forms, realizations of the very existence of our belief in these forms makes us realize the abundant energy source that drives the existence of the being; the cosmic energy that provides the experience of being alive; helps experience the soul, mind and consciousness, but subsists only if exploited within its limitations; the limitations of believing. 

Contzen Pereira, Ph.D. Independent Scholar, Mumbai, India. Email Address: contzen@rediffmail.com, contzen@gmail.com