Funny thoughts of late have I held for reasons I
don’t know if I care to explore. There
are so many thoughts converging and feelings surfacing in this moment that I’m
not sure where to begin. I wanted
awareness and I wanted understanding and I find it near comical the effect it
has had on my vision. I see things now
so differently. At first the sights in
my new found vision hurt me to my core. It
hurt my heart to see what humanity does to itself, all of the pain and all of
the striving to be better than even in the negative. Oh it sent my mind spinning and my world
swirling right straight back into the heart of me. And there I sat so very quietly. Long years spent thinking and searching for
meaning and understanding only to find pain?
I knew that could not be the reason and something within me drove me
further within.
I see so much now in this world. I see sociopathic behaviors in companies,
narcissistic behaviors in humans, antagonistic behaviors in those harmed by
their own psychology and the wake of additional collateral damage left to
flounder in a sea of not knowing, seemingly lost. Was I
better off before? I questioned
that. I really did. For what did understanding bring me now but
to see how much humanity suffers with intent.
Yes, I said Intent with a capital “I.”
It took many years for the horizons to broaden ever wider and to contend
with the emotions and feelings my new vision brought me.
Reconciliation could not be had while working
from within a framework I was given and unconsciously held on to. I was working from the premise of malware so
deeply installed within my own human operating system that I made myself such a victim of this
world. I couldn’t admit it but I felt
it. It crushed me and I
unconsciously sought out lesson after life lesson to reinforce what I
was learning. But I wasn't getting the lesson so I fought back harder
and longer and walked off eventually in dire frustration creating
silence and distance while thinking I was stepping off the battlefield. I was not.
The battle had only begun and I waged it well. Unfortunately,
no wait...fortunately, I waged that battle against
myself. The battle was an illusion born of delusion and mistaken belief
held for so long it seemed real. It wasn't real. It was never real.
Breathe.
Perhaps it was actually growth that brought me to
that point. When I reached that point
and the pain grew deep enough I had to stop all thought, all feeling and then
begin to reach within for the truth.
Brilliant teachers from all parts of humanity helped me to understand that belief can be a deadly
thing to our emotional states, our relationship with ourselves, our
relationships with others, our relationship with this world and reality as well
as our relationship to the Cosmic One in which we are all an intrinsic part. I did not understand that it was belief alone
that created the opacity of the filters through which I once viewed this
world and life here within it. From ground zero, you cannot see
the Whole. From 10 feet up, you cannot
see the Whole and from 1,000 and 100,000 feet you cannot see the Whole. You have to get yourself entirely outside of
the framework you think you know in order to see the Truth. And even when you see it at first you will
not want it. You won’t at first
understand it. Our consciousness is
beyond our description and is more than the limited striations of psychology or
any other “ology” that exists to define it. We must
learn to find our own resonance and the Source of that resonance and feel our
way through the muck and mire of an unaware and zombie-like state of a life
lived asleep. We must awaken gently with
a blessed curiosity that does not prejudge an outcome of our exploration other
than knowing we are capable of not only seeing and feeling the Truth but being
It.
In a naturally and intentionally altered state of consciousness, I saw the
world at last and I felt humanity in its entirety and with everything in me to
the level of the tiniest cell within I knew the precious nature of
existence. I was shocked and astounded
at my own capacity then for not only understanding but love…a love so profound
and purely endless these words are really useless in conveying the depths. We are here in this world of dichotomy for
learning. When we awaken to the Truth,
the definitive Truth that can only be intuitively felt, we relax a little and
the former pain of our first awakening visions begin to subside, we come to
find peace and resonance with life as it is.
We find no need to change or control what is and therein lies our
freedom should we wish to take it. We
can take it. We just have to want it.
So, the point again, where was it? Yes, there it
is…feel it…close your eyes for a moment and breathe in the first fiery rays of
morning sometime or the last scarlet golden rays of the day as night brings a
blanket of stars into view. Know that
this understanding of the Whole of our Consciousness is not unlike the sky.
Every single day we look up and we see gray or blue and white but we
don’t see what is really there when the sun is up do we? The stars are there day and night; different
positions maybe as we move on our little planet in our beautiful Milky way
Galaxy. The stars are always there
behind the blue, behind the clouds, behind the blinding rays of the sun. The truth, the Truth is like that too. It’s always there…like the heart beat of
eternity…when you hear it and your own heartbeat resonates in tune with the
cadence of the heartbeat of the Source of all Consciousness, then you know you have found
what you were looking for. You know you
never lost anything and you know some part of you was always Home even if you
forgot and even if you still struggle to remember consistently.
I wish for you a blessed journey precious ones. Enjoy your lives; the good
times and bad times equally and with a grand and yet relentless curiosity.
Seek to understand what it is you are learning and you will begin to
understand the amazing wonder that you are as a glorious part of this beautiful
and powerful Sentient Conscious Whole. In love and light,
may the peace and stillness carry you and comfort you always and in all ways. And So, It Is.
